The Slow Disappearing Act — How I Lost Myself Without Noticing

You didn't lose yourself all at once.

There was no dramatic moment. No single decision. No obvious turning point you can point back to and say — that's where it happened.

It happened slowly. Quietly. One small compromise at a time. One moment of choosing everyone else over yourself. One dream tucked away, one need silenced, one piece of you traded in for the version of you that everyone else needed you to be.

Until one day you woke up… and felt nothing.

Not sad. Not angry. Not overwhelmed.

Just empty.

In this deeply personal episode, Nakeisha opens up about how she lost herself chasing other people's expectations — the slow, invisible erosion of identity that happens when you spend years living for everyone else's version of your life. And the quiet, hollow morning she finally admitted the truth she had been avoiding.

She had no idea who she was anymore.

If you have been performing a life that looks fine on the outside while feeling completely disconnected on the inside — if you have been showing up for everyone else while quietly disappearing from yourself — this episode is going to feel like someone finally said out loud what you have been feeling alone for a very long time.

In this episode:

• How chasing other people's expectations quietly erodes your identity without you noticing
• The three stages of losing yourself — and how to recognize exactly which one you are in right now
• Why the emptiness you feel is not a breakdown — it is a wake up call
• The stories of women who lived this same quiet disappearing act and found their way back
• The one sentence that will help you find the thread back to yourself today

This episode pairs with Activate You — the book for the woman who is done living for everyone else and is ready to finally come back to herself. The journey back starts here. Grab your copy: https://bit.ly/3OwwtAa

If this episode spoke to you and you’re ready to go deeper…
my book The Freedom Blueprint: For Women Ready to Leave Survival Mode is your next step.

It’s for the woman who is done surviving and ready to live with alignment, clarity, and purpose.

📖 Get your copy here:
https://bit.ly/4lLPKtA

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Let me ask you something before we even get started. When was the last time you did something just for you? Not for your kids, not for your job, not because someone expected of you. Just for you. Take a second with that. Because if you had to really think about it, yeah, that's what this episode is about. Welcome to Activate Your Freedom with Nakisha Geddes, a space for women who are ready to move beyond survival mode into clarity, structure, and intentional living. I'm Nakisha Geddes, entrepreneur, author, speaker, and someone who understands what it means to carry many roles while still hearing the deeper call to become. Here we have honest conversation about healing, identity, leadership, faith, business, and the practical shift required to build a life that truly aligns with who you are becoming. If you know there are more for you than just simple managing life, then this is the space for you. Let's begin. This is episode number 5, and I'm so happy that you're here. So today I'm going to go very personal because I want to talk about something that happened to me slowly, and I didn't even notice it was happening. I disappeared. Not all at once, not dramatically, not in a way that anyone around me could have noticed. I just slowly stopped being me. And I want to tell you exactly how it happened because I have a feeling that some of you are in the middle of it right now and you don't even know it. It then started with one big moment. That's the thing about losing yourself. It never does. It starts with small compromises. You know, when you know you need this and you know you should say yes to this, but you compromise what you want, what you desire for somebody else's desires. You know what I'm talking about. We do it all the time. It starts up with being silence, some small silence, you know, like when you should speak up and advocate for yourself, but you don't. I'm gonna share a story, and this is a moment of silence that I did that I live to regret, and I will always regret it. I remember when my husband and I was looking for our dream home, and we found a builder that took off all the boxes of what we were looking for in the home. So all we had to do now was choose a spot to build our house. And so the house was perfect, it was everything that we were looking for, but we needed to choose a spot. And in the neighborhood that we were choosing was uh in the early stage of development, so we could have choose any spot, any area, anywhere we wanted at no extra cost to us. So there was this house, this spot that I saw, and I wanted it. It had a lot of space, a lot of land space, I should say, and I wanted that spot. I desired my everything in me was telling me this is where your house should be. This is where you should raise your family, right here. And my husband gave me all the reason why this spot wasn't right. And to be honest, some of the reasons was very silly, but I compromise and I stay silent. I didn't give any reason why this spot was right for me. I compromised that spot for our dream home. I stay silent and I let him choose the right spot for his desire. Now we're currently living in our dream home, but our dream home is not in the location that I desire. Now, a few houses down, my neighbors are living in my dream spot. Remember, we had first choice, we could have chosen any spot. The land is three times bigger than the current land that we have right now. So, yes, I would have had the exact same house, and my backyard would have been three times bigger. I could have had a swimming pool in that backyard, I could have had my autub. There's so much things that I could have had in that backyard. And every time I visit my neighbor and I go in his backyard, I regret being silent because they are living in my dream spot for my dream home, for my family, and I have to pass this spot every day, and this just shows you how compromising and staying silent and not advocating for what we truly desire has a price because all I had to do was speak up, all I had to do was give reasons why this was the perfect spot to raise our family. All I had to do was share the dreams that I had for that backyard. I love my home, but I could have everything else that I desire in my dream home, including my dream backyard. I could have had three times the space for the same money. It wasn't costing me anything extra, but I compromise and I stay silent and I allowed someone else to sell me their dreams, their desires, and I say yes. So small moments where you choose what someone else needs over what you need help you to lose yourself. For me, it starts with chasing other people's expectations. And I want you to really hear that because it sounds simple, but it's one of the most suffocating things a woman can do for herself. I was living a life that looked right on the outside. I was doing the things I was supposed to do. I was checking off the box that other people around me wanted me to check off. My family, my community. The world told me this was the right box. I had no idea what I wanted, what I desire, who I should become. I never once stopped to ask myself if this is the life that I desire. And I was good at it. That's the dangerous part. I was so good at performing the life that everyone expects of me that nobody ever stopped to ask, including me, whether this was actually the life I wanted. Because here's what chasing other people's expectation does to you. It doesn't feel like losing yourself at first. It feels like being responsible. It feels like being a good daughter, a good wife, a good mother. Yeah, that superwoman. And we're professional at doing it. It feels like doing what you're supposed to do. And so you keep doing it. And you do it for so long that one day you woke up and you feel nothing. Not sad, not angry, not overwhelmed, just empty. That's what happened to me. I woke up one day and I waited for something to come. Some kind of feeling, some kind of motivation, some sense of purpose. What the heck is purpose? Aren't I living the life that I should be living? You know, go to school, get a job. I did all that. Am I living my purpose? Do I know what my purpose should be? I've never asked myself that. That word purpose sounds foreign to me. And there was nothing, just this quiet, hollow feeling that I couldn't explain to anyone around me because from the outside everything looks fine. The job was there, the responsibilities were being handled. Nikisha was showing up, but I wasn't there. Not really. I had spent so many years becoming what everyone else needed me to be that I had completely lost track of who I actually was. I didn't know what I like anymore. Like I completely lost myself. I didn't even know what fun was. I had no idea what a hobby was. I was doing, I was spending, honestly, when I think of the perfect weekend, the perfect weekend was researching things for me and my kids to do. What would make my kids happy this weekend? What does my husband want? What does my sister want to do? What does my brother want to do? It was everything that I was doing was wrapped around what somebody else's needed me to do for them. You know, my kids needed me to ensure that they had the best weekend ever, the best summer ever, you know, the best life ever. My husband expected me to be the best wife to fulfill his needs. And then my loved one, everybody needed me to be who they wanted me to be, but I had no idea who I want to be. I didn't even know what brought me joy anymore. Right? I had become a collection of other people's expectation with nothing left that was mine. And that morning I stayed quiet because for the first time I admitted it to myself. I don't know who I am anymore. And if you felt something just now listening to that, if something in your chest shifted, I need you to stay with me. Because I want to talk about how this actually happens. How a woman as strong as you, as capable as you, as intelligent as you slowly disappear without realizing it. It happened in three stages. The first stage is people pleasing dress up as love. You start saying yes when you mean no. You know? Those moments where you're really tired, but your loved one wants you to show up for them and you do it. How many times you come home from work exhausted, tired? All you need is a hot shower and your bed, but you have to go right in the kitchen and cook a good meal for your family because that's love. How many times you just want to go away and just have one night of peace and quiet without the obligation, but you never do it because your family needed you more. You start shrinking your dreams because they make other people uncomfortable. You start editing yourself in rooms where you should be expanding. I remember working at a place where I was hired for a particular position, but I had the qualification of another position. And even though I had the qualification, because I wasn't hired for that position, I had to shrink myself to be less than who I was. Because in their eyes, I do not fit that position. I'm not qualified for that position because you're hired for a lower position. So that's who we see you as. And then eventually I saw myself as that, right? But what you're actually doing is teaching yourself that your needs don't matter as much as everyone's else's needs. The second stage is losing your identity. This is where things that used to be yours start to disappear. You know, think about your younger self. What were the things that the hobbies that you have? I know for me, I used to love running. I used to love just writing. I used to love just being silly all by myself. I used to love reading. You know, those hobbies that you love doing, your younger self that you stop doing because you become a mother, a wife, a community leader, a CEO, an executive director. Those silly things don't matter anymore. Your hobbies don't matter anymore because you got responsibilities now. You got a role that you must play. The dreams you had, the vision of yourself you used to see in the future, they didn't disappear overnight. They just got buried and forgotten. Then you can't even remember the last time you thought about them. And the third stage, the one I was in that morning, is the emptiness. Where you have been performing a lie for so long that you've completely lost the person you used to be. Where someone asks if somebody asks you what you want, you can't even answer such a question because you yourself don't even know what you want. Where you have outsourced your identity for everyone around you for so long that there is nothing left that feels like yours. That is the slow disappearing act, and it is so common and so quiet and so dangerous. But here's what I also know. You can find your way back because I did, and it starts with one thing: honesty. You gotta be very honest with yourself, not the honesty you perform for other people, the honesty you have with yourself in the quiet moment, the admitting that I have been living for everyone else, and I'm tired. I want to come back to myself, admitting that you desire more for yourself. And guess what? This is not weakness. That is the bravest thing you could do for yourself. Because the moment you say it, the moment you stop pretending the emptiness isn't there, is a moment you'll start finding your way back to the woman that you used to be, to the woman that you desire to be, to your future self. It won't happen overnight because it didn't for me. But it's start with asking yourself question you've been afraid to ask. Like, what do I actually want? What have I given up that I actually miss? Who was I before I started performing for everyone else? And who do I want to be now? So here's what I want you to do after this episode. I want you to find quiet moments. A moment where there's no distraction. For me, it was one morning when after I dropped my kids off at work. At this point, I had taken unpaid sick leave and I had no idea what I was doing. I just knew that I couldn't continue living this kind of life anymore. I just knew that there was more for me. I just knew that I deserved to be happy. I deserved to find her again. I deserved to live the life that I desire. And it was one morning after I got my kids ready, I dropped them off at school and I came back home. The house was empty, I was home alone. I sat at my kitchen table and I started to ask myself these questions. And I was one with God. And after I asked myself these questions, I then asked him to direct me that I would listen. And here is the truth: you gotta be willing to listen and you gotta be willing to take actions. And sometimes those actions are going to be scary. Sometimes those actions seem like, what the heck are you asking me to do right now? I don't think I could do that. But from my experience, I'm gonna tell you, yes, you have everything in you to fulfill the desires of your heart. And here's one thing that I've learned over my years of self-discovery is that everything your heart desires, it desires you too. The reason that you desire it is because you're able to achieve it. You just have to believe it. Because that thing, that comeback that you desire, you can achieve it. And you just have to believe it. Because you didn't disappear forever, you just got buried. And the woman underneath all of those expectations. Guess what? She is still there. She has been waiting for you to come back to her, and I promise you, and I'm not telling you anything that I haven't experienced. I promise you, she is worth finding. You deserve to be free, you deserve to live a life on your terms. And with that, I want to say thank you. Thank you for being a part of this journey with me. Thank you for tuning in. And if you knew a woman that needed this message, please share it with her. I would love for you to leave a comment on this podcast. Let me know if there's an episode that you want me to talk about. A topic that you want me to talk about. Sorry, I'm still in the motion, in the moment right now. This was very personal for me. It just brings me back to that old self. And if there's an if there's something that you want me to touch on, please share that with me. I appreciate you so much. I don't take it for granted. And thank you for sharing this space with me. I'm your girl Nikisha, and I want you to go out and activate your freedom. Until next week, bye. Before we close, I want to leave you with this. Just because you've learned how to function doesn't mean you have to stay there. Freedom starts with awareness, with honesty, with choosing to listen to yourself in a deeper way. If this episode spoke to you, don't keep it to yourself. Share it with someone who needs it. And if you're ready to go deeper, make sure you follow the podcast so you don't miss what's next. This is Activate Your Freedom, and your next level starts with you.