The Guilt of Choosing Yourself

Why does choosing yourself feel so uncomfortable?

Why do so many women feel guilty when they set boundaries, prioritize their needs, pursue their dreams, or protect their peace?

In this heartfelt episode of Activate Your Freedom, Nakeisha Geddes explores the hidden guilt that often appears when women begin their healing journey and start choosing themselves after years of putting everyone else first.

Many of us were taught to be the strong one, the helper, the caregiver, the person everyone could count on. But somewhere along the way, we learned to neglect our own needs in the process.

What happens when you finally decide that your peace matters too?

In this episode, you'll discover:
• Why choosing yourself often triggers guilt
• The difference between selfishness and self-respect
• How people-pleasing keeps women stuck in survival mode
• Why setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first
• The emotional cost of constantly putting yourself last
• How to release guilt and embrace personal growth
• Why protecting your peace is an act of self-worth

If you've ever felt guilty for saying no, taking a break, pursuing your goals, or prioritizing your own well-being, this episode will remind you that choosing yourself isn't selfish—it's necessary.

Because you cannot build a life of freedom while abandoning yourself to meet everyone else's expectations.

You deserve rest.
You deserve boundaries.
You deserve joy.
And you deserve a life that feels aligned with who you are becoming.

🎙️ Listen now and discover why releasing guilt may be one of the most powerful steps toward freedom.

If this episode spoke to you and you’re ready to go deeper…
my book The Freedom Blueprint: For Women Ready to Leave Survival Mode is your next step.

It’s for the woman who is done surviving and ready to live with alignment, clarity, and purpose.

📖 Get your copy here:
https://bit.ly/4lLPKtA

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to Activate Your Freedom with Nakisha Geddes, a space for women who are ready to move beyond survival mode into clarity, structure, and intentional living. I'm Nakisha Geddes, entrepreneur, author, speaker, and someone who understands what it means to carry many roles while still hearing the deeper call to become. Here we have honest conversations about healing, identity, leadership, faith, business, and the practical shift required to build a life that truly aligns with who you are becoming. If you know there are more for you than just simple managing life, then this is the space for you. Let's begin. Guilt. More specifically, the guilt of choosing ourselves. Because if you're anything like me, you have spent years being that one person for everyone, the helper, the fixer, the strong one, the dependable one, the one that everyone counts on. And somewhere along the way, you learn that everyone else needs come before yours. To the point where for me, I didn't even know how to celebrate myself. And I didn't even know what kind of celebration I needed for myself. But I knew what everyone in my family needed. I knew how to celebrate everyone, but I didn't even know how to do that for me. And so when you finally start prioritizing yourself and setting boundaries, protecting your peace, which is so expensive, or pursuing your dreams, trust me. My you know, guilt shows up, and guilt shows up not just because you feel guilty. A lot of time your loved ones make you feel guilty by the way they react to you now choosing yourself. Now, you know, how they react to you now not being that people pleaser, how they react to you saying no, right? They make you feel guilty because they're used to you showing up for them all the time and neglecting yourself, right? Many women have been conditioned to believe that choosing themselves is so selfish. I remember being called lazy, you know, I remember being called difficult, I remember being called cold because I set boundaries, right? I because that version of me no longer exists, right? And I remember people like, are you crazy, you know, for pursuing your dreams because you're neglecting your families? Me wanted to travel. What do you mean you want to travel? You got young children, right? And I have to remind myself, my young children has a dad, right? My young children have other family members that could take care of them. But the old me, I wouldn't even dare to think about traveling the world without my kids, right? Who does that? What kind of mom neglect their kids and go travel the world, right? But what if that is not true? What if choosing yourself is not selfish at all? And one thing that I learned is that it is necessary because the truth is you cannot continuously pour into other people's cup and leaving your own empty. You cannot eal while you're bleeding. I often tell people a drowning person cannot save anyone. You have to save yourself first before you could save someone else, right? There were a season in my life where I was saying yes to everything, helping everyone, showing up for everyone. I didn't even know what the word no mean, right? If you needed me, it was a yes. And I was sacrificing my happiness, my peace, my joy. And the breakthrough for me was learning the difference between joy and happiness, right? Where happiness is temporarily. It's like, you know, I got my nails done last week and they were beautiful and they brought me joy, but now I'm looking at it and it's no longer bringing me joy. I need a refill, right? That that that is happiness, it's temporary. But joy, you have to find your own joy. You got to do the things that light you up, you got to do the things that brings you peace, you gotta do the things that make you joyful, and no one on this planet could do that for you. You have to do it for yourself. And if honest, I thought that good person, that person who desire this, was very selfish. And I felt guilty that I even think about doing the things that I'm currently doing until I realized that I was exhausted, not physically, my soul was exhausted. And when I finally start making decisions that honor my own peace, the guilt was really bad. Who dare me to think like this? Not because what I wanted was wrong, but because they were unfamiliar. Because I never put myself first. Ever since I became a mom, it was all about my my child, it was all about my family, it was all about everyone else, right? I have spent so many years just choosing everyone else, and choosing myself felt very uncomfortable. Guilt often appears when we start breaking old patterns. Have you noticed that? Anytime we're breaking old patterns, the guilt kind of sneaks up. The people around us may be used to the old virgin of us, and that person that always says yes. So the virgin that always give, give, give, the virgin that will show up no matter what. I'll be exhausted and need rest, but I'll still show up for you because you need me more than the rest that I need for myself, right? And when you change, it can create discomfort, not just for your people in your life, but for everyone, for you, for everyone, not just for your immediate family, but on the outside to your friends, your coworkers, they will start seeing the change in you because growth often required, you know, disappointment in other people's expectation. And that's hard because for women who have built their identity around people pleasing, it is hard for us to just one day just turn on that life switch and say, it's time for me to put me first. I want you to ask yourself, am I feeling guilty because doing something wrong? Or am I feeling guilty because doing something different? There's a difference. Many times the guilt isn't a warning sign, it's evidence that you're growing. Let's talk about the other side. What's the cost of never choosing yourself? We built up resentment. I remember had resentment, which was my husband. Burnout, I remember just being burned out, like really burned out, where I didn't even know how to function anymore. Exhaustion. We lost our dreams. I didn't even know that I could dream. I didn't even it's like that side of me that used to dream just disappeared. Like you could dream again. We lost our identity. Do you know who you are? Do you know what you like? Do you know the things that you desire? Do you know how you want to be celebrated? And eventually a life that looks successful on the outside but feels empty on the inside. That price is too high. If you have been feeling guilty for protecting your peace, setting boundaries, resting, healing, growing, or pursuing your purpose. I want you to hear this. You are allowed to choose yourself, you are allowed to have boundaries, you are allowed to want more, you are allowed to create the life that feels aligned with who you are becoming. And most importantly, you don't need permission. Do you hear me? You don't need permission to live the life that you truly desire. But oftentimes we're like, I desire this, how do I go after it? And I will say, create for me, I could only speak from my experience. Think about who you desire to be, and go out and look for environment that is Austin woman, like the woman that you desire to become, and figure out how to be a part of that environment. Environment will often help you to shape the new you because you're going to learn different, you're gonna move different. People are gonna pour into you differently. So it's time for you to think about who you want to become and what environment to shape this. So, because your current environment brought you this far. It's time for you to be courageous enough to step out. And I know, like for me, I live in Toronto, Canada. We have, and I know like Event Bright, Meet and Space, there's always events happening around town. When I decided that I needed change, the first thing I thought about was environment. And I didn't even know how I came up with events because nobody I know back then go to events. All we did was party. I know where all the parties were, right? And and everyone that I hang out with, everyone I knew knew how to party, but no one was doing events. And I start seeking a group of women that were doing things differently, and that's when I start going around authors and business owners, and I start becoming a part of that environment. So when I decided to write my book, it was easier, right? Because there was women that already achieved that, so they were able to pour into me. And when I was when I was ready to start my business, I had a network of business owners that was able to pour into me and support me and guide me and direct me, right? When I was going to Dubai to start my business there, I used that for example. The first thing I did was research, you know, who could help to support this vision because it was a new country. So, yes, as a business owner, I know how to start business. As a business consultant, I know how to start business. But there was things about the country that I didn't know. So I had to find that environment. And what I did was went on Invibrite and start finding events that I could go to. And also while I was in Dubai, they had other platforms and just finding myself on those platforms. And, you know, even though I was there by myself, I didn't feel like I was by myself because I was around women that were like-minded, that were thinking like me. And now I could proudly say I have friends in Dubai, right? And I have people that I could connect with, depending on what it is that I need and people that could direct me in different areas, right? So that is my advice to anyone who is at a crossroad where it's like I desire more, but I don't know how to start, right? And just be courageous, be courageous enough to go after it and take that one step and start with the environment, and then everything else will follow. And thank you for joining me for another episode of activate your freedom. If this conversation resonates with you, share it with another woman who needs it, and remember, it is necessary that for you to pursue all that your heart desire. The moment you stop feeling guilty for honoring yourself is the moment you begin living in freedom. And I'm all about living a life of freedom on your own terms. Thank you for joining me for another episode of Activate Your Freedom. Before we close, I want to leave you with this. Just because you've learned how to function doesn't mean you have to stay there. Freedom starts with awareness, with honesty, with choosing to listen to yourself in a deeper way. If this episode spoke to you, don't keep it to yourself. Share it with someone who needs it. And if you're ready to go deeper, make sure you follow the podcast so you don't miss what's next. This is Activate Your Freedom, and your next level starts with you.